Nine Things I’ve Learned While Being Nineteen (A List & a Reflection)

As my birthday once again draws near (as well as brings my teenage years to an end), I decided to look back and reflect on my post last year (which you can find here). To some lessons I nodded while in deep reflection, while I laughed quite loudly at others. First of all, lessons 1-3 (regarding thanking and complimenting others) are ones that I have continued to practice and stress to others. I’ve had quite some difficulty with lesson 4 this year (in my words, “realize that you are a hot piece of ass”), but I think that I’ve finally gotten to that realization, at least for now. Over this year, I’ve realized that lesson five (finding and setting life goals) is much easier said than done, and doesn’t even really need to be done. Perhaps I’m not interpreting it as eighteen-year-old me meant it, but it’s extremely hard to just set a goal for exactly what you want when you don’t even know what you want. And that’s okay. You’ll definitely see this reflect in my newest lessons. I still push myself to try lesson six (learn new things), although time is a big constraint. I hate getting old sometimes. Lessons seven and eight (get a pet and save your money) are still things I appreciate, although eight is hard at times. I understand why I made eight and nine (spend on quality) conflict, but at the same time, quality isn’t always that great (and neither is saving your money). Although I don’t like to spend tons at a time, I have realized that saving all your coins isn’t gonna get you anywhere. Just be wise about what you do spend. But also, quality stuff may not always actually be top-notch. I have a really gnarly blister from those amazing rain boots I raved about in lesson nine, which is what I started laughing at quite loudly when I read these lessons recently. Sometimes you just have to learn for yourself. The rest of the lessons, which you can read in my old post, are things that I still stand (and live) by. Out of those remaining lessons, I think the most important is number fourteen (eat and drink lavishly). Once again, I tried to deprive myself of food this year just so I could be even skinnier. I’m still obsessed with lifting up my shirt and checking my middrift every time I’m alone in a room. I find myself attractive, but I always think I could be skinnier. It’s a terrifying thing, and I can write about it later in its own post. But just in general, eat food, guys. And eat good food. Eat food that’s good for you, but also eat food that you really like. And hydrate. You’re a flower, and you need water to grow and bloom!

Through these reflections and newer ones, I now present to you the Nine Things I’ve Learned While Being Nineteen. (Not that I didn’t learn a lot, but many of the older lessons apply, and these nine summarize perfectly everything that I planned to say.)

1. Become comfortable with uncertainty. This completely goes against everything I wrote about last year, and I’m happy about that. I’ve grown and changed, which is really awesome and exciting. Anyways, I mean what I say. Not knowing is perfectly okay. Not knowing anything isn’t, but not knowing some things is fine. Particularly when it comes to your future. It’s okay to not know if you want to have kids or become a rocket scientist. Explore! Discover the world around you and get to know all different kinds of people. You weren’t born to become a robot with a set destination. Take the opportunity to discover our big blue world and commit to the lifelong journey of finding the person that is you.
2. It’s okay to get away sometimes. I firmly believe in Mental Health Days, although my parents think they’re a load of goosepoop. This summer, work got really stressful for me. Not because it was hard work, but because I was in this new environment with new people (that were much older than me) and felt really confused and out-of-place. So one day, I called out sick and went to the beach. (Yes, I went with my boyfriend. He didn’t pressure me at all to cut. It was completely my idea.) We rolled the windows down and blasted rock music, and played Uno on the sand. We collected shells and rocks, and then went to the mall afterwards. It was the best day of the summer. I’m not saying to pretend you’re sick and miss work or school all the time. What I am trying to explain is that sometimes you need a break. We all do. When you’re really stressed out, work hard. Finish all the work that you need to do. Then find a day where nothing is due, nothing important will be missed, and that no negative implications will come from you missing just once, and take the day to yourself. This shouldn’t be a common thing, but it shouldn’t be nonexistent either.
3. Become comfortable with imperfection. This is still a lesson that I need to fully learn. None of us are perfect. As perfect as that one beautiful, talented person you admire may seem, he or she is NOT PERFECT. It’s incredibly hard to believe. We like to think that we are the only ones with something wrong with us. I’m not really sure why. We’re ashamed of ourselves. But that’s honestly no way to live. Don’t hate you– you’re the only you you’ve got. This goes off of last year’s idea of “[realizing] that you’re a hot piece of ass.” It’s true! Look in that mirror and find the things that you love. And once you find those, get to know and love the parts of yourself that you don’t love. Sure, it’s easier said than done. What isn’t? But this is truly a journey worth traveling on.
4. Give a little. I know myself that I hardly give other people or things a chance. I’m extremely dominant when it comes to choosing activities, particularly with my boyfriend (I really hate that word. It sounds so immature.). And although some people may think that it’s cool that I plan everything, I find it kind of unfair. And, as hard as I try, I can’t give up my hold on things. Therefore, one of my lessons that I have learned this year (and need to figure out how to execute) is giving a little. As the saying goes, if “you give a little, you get a little.” And the “getting” shouldn’t be anything material, or even appreciation from the other person for your giving them some control. You should get the happiness of establishing a bit more equality in your relationships with others. You’ll get the joy of really learning what your friends and loved ones like to do and eat, or even put on blast in the car. Being a control freak protects you from bursts of happiness, and that’s not something you need to protect yourself from.
5. Don’t half-ass it. I cannot stress this enough. Personally, I believe that 1. You can’t complain about something you have control over, and, working off of that, 2. You can’t complain about the results of something you didn’t work your hardest at. Therefore, don’t complain about school if you chose to go to school. You claim you have to do a lot of things, but you really don’t. Yes, you choose these things because you know they will benefit you, but then you can’t complain about them. Take them on and work your hardest. In addition, try not to be upset at that B on that paper you worked weeks on. You worked really damn hard. If you put your everything into that drawing, you can’t complain about it because there’s nothing to be upset about. You laid everything you had out there. Keep trying and ask others for help to increase your threshold for success, knowledge, and skill. On the other hand, you have no right to whine or be upset at something you didn’t work your butt off for. You only studied by glancing at the textbook from across the room? Don’t blame the professor for giving you a D on the test. If you put your all into everything that you do (#throwback to last year), you can only get better and get closer to success.
6. Let it go. May it be your fear of being embarrassed or that grudge you’re holding, follow Elsa’s advice. Like being in a supermarket and trying to hold all of your groceries, you cannot physically handle everything that comes your way. Pick and choose your battles and worries. Seriously think to yourself about what is going on in your life, prioritize, and realize that not everything is worth your energy. That person that told you that your shirt looked two sizes too big? Is that worth your worrytime as much as your sick relative? Let the things that really don’t matter go. In addition, let go of the things that are holding you back. Worries and fears of things that will help you in the end are also not worth your worrying. Raise your standards and treat your worrying like gold, limited and precious, distributing it accordingly.
7. Recognize that you actually need to work for what you want. This is also something that I still need to learn. When I was younger, writing came to be as easily (and as naturally) as breathing. Ideas and words just flowed out of my onto the paper or Word document. Nowadays, I have to crank it out. (Except for blogging, which is why I enjoy blogging so much. It’s an escape.) When it comes to creative writing, creating a new world or even just a new character, I come to a blank. Things get so technical and I give up. It’s too hard, I think. It’s not worth it. But the thing is, it is worth it. It’s worth all of the tear-stained pages and paper cuts and crumpled-up pages in the trash can. It sounds cliché, but it’ll be worth it when I finally see my name on the cover of bound pages.
8. Date yourself. Not necessarily in a romantic way unless you’re into that. Make memories with yourself. I remember walking in the rain, taking my time to the bus stop to go to school, listening to a podcast and trying so hard to not laugh out loud at the jokes (and not succeeding. I definitely looked crazy.). Enjoy your time alone to yourself. Be productive. You don’t have to do homework during this time, but do things that you enjoy that will benefit you. Sure, sometimes you can watch American Horror Story while eating chocolate chips out of the bag, but other times you should try to paint, write, or dance. Even if you think you’re not good at it. If you enjoy dancing like a sassy queen to Bitch I’m Madonna, do it! You work your hardest and BE her backup dancer at her invisible concert in your living room.
9. Realize that there is no “happily ever after.” Yup, I definitely used that term to get your attention. What a star writer I am (*sarcasm*). Anyways, it’s true, but not in the sense that you may be thinking. I’m not saying that you’re not going to achieve happiness or continue to be happy, but instead that there is no end, where everything will be fixed and that you’ll be living in a utopia. In the pages after the end of the story, Cinderella definitely had arguments with Prince Charming, issues with her father-in-law, and didn’t always enjoy the life of royalty. Life isn’t going to continuously suck, and I know I could be explaining this better, but there is no point where everything is going to stop either. As one of my favorite songs says, “The world will keep on turning; you gotta keep that fire burning.” In other words, finding yourself and accomplishing your dreams are lifelong processes. We often think that there will be a point in our lives where everything will be perfect. Unfortunately, this isn’t so; but how great is it to think that there’s no need to rush these things? There’s no need to know who you are right at this moment. Realizing this and getting comfortable with that idea will definitely take a load off of your shoulders and help you realize that you need to enjoy this world and all that it has to offer.

Something that I really admire about this list is its vulnerability. These are not things that I have accomplished that I’m prescribing to you. These are weaknesses of mine that I want to work on, and recognize the benefits of achieving. I’m not only sharing these lessons with you, but I’m encouraging myself to work on these as well. Good luck in learning, and remember that you’ll learn your own individual lessons as well! Cheers!