Hi, everyone! I’m sorry for being really not on top of my game lately. It’s finals week (more like two weeks) and things have just been crazy for me. So, let me catch you up! Starting in the Spring, I’m going to be a TA! This is actually something that I’ve always wanted, and it’s the first step in really learning how to become a good professor. And, not only am I going to be any TA, but I’m going to be a social stats TA! Now this got me thinking. If I got so excited over this and being able to do math again, am I maybe making the wrong choice in pursuing just education? Long story short, I’m getting the feeling that education is not for me. Well, at least JUST education. I love the kids, but I really don’t have the patience for the slow, basic curriculum. I feel like it’s been melting and frying my brain. I feel like this was my lazy choice. And therefore, I dropped my education class for next semester and instead registered for a math class. And I’ve never been more excited in my life. Math was always my thing. ALWAYS. Ever since I went for math tutoring in third grade, math has forever been my forté. In high school, I wouldn’t use a calculator on purpose to train myself to do math in my head. I taught myself whatever wasn’t covered in class in order to get 100 on the Trigonometry Regents. And I did. They had to call the Regents people and add a different solution to a question because of me and my hard work. And math has always excited me. And I think after working so hard for all these years, I decided to be lazy in college. I mean, I love the social sciences. They’ve taught me more than I’ve ever known about the world. But I can’t survive on just that. I’ve been hungry for more for a while now. I really miss math. I mean, I took an elementary school math class last spring, and that REALLY made me miss math. So, I emailed my professor, and he granted me an extra seat in his advanced math course. And so hopefully, I will be a math major. I don’t know if I can finish everything in my two years left, but I’m okay with that. I’m also surprisingly comfortable with the ambiguity of not being trained for a specific job. I’ve seen tons of scholarships for graduate schools that guarantee fully paying for your Master’s AND a job once you graduate. One in particular with the Department of Defense, which is badass. Or I can be a teacher in a Catholic high school, which is awesome too. Or I can work for a bank or business or something else that comes my way. But I can tell you that this is really exciting for me. Almost everyone I know thinks I’m nuts, but, for the first time in my life, I’m completely okay with that.
In other news, I want to really start on my writing again, both on here and for my stories. I know, I know. I keep saying this and never doing anything. But then I thought about something I think about basically constantly–the tattoos I want, especially the one I want as my first: “she nobly dared” in script, centered on my upper back. It’s short for “And what she greatly thought, she nobly dared,” which I changed from “he”‘s from the original (from The Odyssey). I absolutely love this quote. And no, I didn’t find it from reading the book. I actually saw it on one of those papers on a tea bag. Seriously. But ever since, I’ve in awe of how incredible and intense it is, especially for me. I’ve never acted on any of my good ideas. I’ve never followed through with anything. Ever. Not an instrument, not an idea, not a story, nothing. And I’ve realized that getting a tattoo shouldn’t be my first time doing this, simply because I’m going to probably wait at least a year until I get it. And I shouldn’t keep procrastinating. That’s the point of this. Therefore, I don’t just want to start seriously writing…I need to.
Continuing off of this, I want to take instrument lessons. “Wait, Michelle, didn’t you JUST say you never followed through with an instrument?” Yes, I did! And I want to change that, partnered with my intense passion for music. And what do I want to play? Well, after my parents shot down my idea of taking the cello, they suggested that I take up the violin again. I thought it was an awesome idea; I’m excited. But I’ve never felt so old. When you’re little, you can start things and take up extracurriculars, like playing an instrument or dance. Personally, I would have loved to have taken dance, but at 19 no one wants you as a beginner. So, the second choice is violin. And, let me tell you, we dug up my old one today and, as old and small as it was, I was in awe of how beautiful it was (and how hilarious it was for me to try to play again). Not only do I want to develop some more discipline and actually stick to something, but I also want a thing. I had a thing for about three years when I was younger, Tae Kwon Do, and I honestly miss learning something other than school stuff and having a hobby to tell people about when they ask, “So, what do you do for fun?” (I’m sick of answering, “Well, homework.”)
Another thing I wanted to address was my look. For a while, I had an issue with my weight, but then realized that all this diet shit was keeping me from eating cookie dough and hamburgers, and that just won’t do. But recently, I have been wanting to somehow change my look. I’ve always been a tomboy or, as I like to call it, dapper, but recently, being around girls AND guys more, I feel so unwomanly. I don’t wear makeup or really put much effort into my hair or clothes. To me, it’s a waste of time. I could be eating or…well, eating. But I do think I should put a little more effort in, just to make myself feel better. I’m trying to alter my clothing style just a tad, reverting it back to my good ol’ elementary school days where I’d just wear shirts with hilarious puns on them and a nice sweater. I’d also like to maybe go and get a serious hair makeover one of these days, which I’m not sure my parents will approve of.
Welp, there you go. You have been officially caught up with everything that’s been on my mind lately. So here’s my challenge to you: Do something this week, or this month, that you’ve been only thinking about. Go get that nose piercing or take dance classes or write that story or tell someone you love them. Do it. Nobly dare, don’t just greatly think. Make the rest of 2014 awesome.
Writer from the Block 